Maybe You Just Didn’t Want It Enough

Those are hard words to hear.  Harder yet to say them to yourself.

But there you have it.

I found out last week that something I thought I’d wanted and thought I’d been working towards for a few years now isn’t going to happen.  And, when I stepped back from the situation and looked at it, I had to admit that I didn’t want it enough.

I wanted it.  Oh, did I want it.

But I wanted it on my terms.

Which meant that I didn’t commit fully.  I didn’t come at it from every angle.

I decided there was one way I was going to approach it and that’s what I did and, in the end, it wasn’t enough.

I think most of us if we step back and really look at how we live our lives will admit that in those areas where we’ve failed we could’ve done more.

Those who throw themselves 100% into something are rare.  (They also tend to be lonely and isolated, because, well, throwing yourself 100% into something means ignoring everything else including your family and friends.)

But even those who throw themselves 90% into something are rare.

Or 75%.  Or 50%.

Think of that last failed relationship.  Did you really give it your all?  Did you really try everything?

Or that last job hunt that resulted in a job that wasn’t what you really wanted.  Did you do everything you could to get your dream job?


Even now.  Even sitting here and admitting to myself that I could have done more, I’m not sure I’d change how I handled things over the last four years.  There were reasons I did what I did.  But…

I have to admit to myself.  I just didn’t want it enough.

And because I didn’t want it enough and didn’t do enough, I didn’t get it.

And that’s one of the worst things to do.  To try, but not enough.  Because then you’ve wasted a lot of time and energy and all you have to show for it is failure.

So, commit to your goals.

Whatever you’re doing to reach them, do more.

One more call.  One more hour.  One more try.

And if you can’t bring yourself to do that?  Then walk away.  Admit to yourself that you just don’t want it enough and find something that you do want that much.

Because if you try hard enough almost anything is within your grasp.  But the key is trying hard enough and never quitting.  And to do that, you have to want it enough.

About M. H. Lee

M.H. Lee is a speculative fiction writer currently residing in Colorado whose stories are sometimes dark, sometimes funny, sometimes darkly funny, but hopefully always thought-provoking and entertaining.
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