So, a writer friend who knows about this blog e-mailed me today with suggestions to boost my confidence. We haven’t exchanged e-mails in a few weeks and my Facebook posts have been pretty puppy-centric the last week, so I assume it was because the friend looked at this blog and thought I’d stopped posting so much because I was feeling a lack of confidence.
Not so. I am still the same egomaniac I’ve always been. (If I ever go off the rails with this whole writing thing, I will go in the “they just don’t see my genius” direction, not the “I suck, nobody loves me” direction. Because I think I’m awesome and that’s the only opinion that really counts for me. Okay, maybe not the only one. But close.)
Problem is, blogging is a very extroverted activity. And I’m a very introverted person. I don’t gain energy from blogging, I lose it.
Usually I treat my blog entries as a means of exploring new ideas and then it doesn’t feel that way. But if I’m trying to force an entry, then it’s a painful, draining experience.
And I think that would probably show in the writing, too. So, I’d rather not blog than put up crappy posts.
Right now I’m still in deep processing mode. Choosing to take on the puppy means a lot of choices disappeared for me. And I was already considering a fairly drastic change with going back for a master’s degree. So, a lot of my mental energy right now is dedicated to sorting through what my life will look like in a year or two or ten.
That picture is very different from what I would’ve thought it was going to be just a few months ago.
And some of that is writing-related. I came into this firmly in the trade publishing camp and now I wonder if that’s the best path for me given the other choices I’m making in my life. I’m not saying that I would expect to excel in self-publishing any more than in trade publishing. But they have different timelines associated with them. And maybe I need the shorter timeline now.
And I really do think I’d prefer to self-publish my short stories rather than sell them to the semi-pro markets given how close they’ve come with some of the pros. But that’s a big step to take and has certain repercussions.
It’s a big change to make. So, I’m gathering up information like a Hoover at the moment and sending it into that dark void at the back of my mind where I analyze things.
If I were an extrovert, I’d probably be having lengthy conversations with followers of this blog and with other bloggers on their blogs about the pros and cons of those choices.
But as an introvert, I need to turn inside to deal with all of that. Which creates a problem with maintaining a blog since that requires me to broadcast my thoughts on a regular basis.
All of which is to say, I’m just fine. No worries. I expect I’ll be back in full posting mode by September 12th or so. (I’d say sooner, but I’m going to DC for a bit–a trip I planned before the pup came into the picture.)
In the meantime, have a puppy photo: