I AM an idiot

And two months from now someone in my life will tell me they knew I was making a stupid decision.  But that’s ok.  Because if I don’t try this, then I’ll never know.

I’ve decided to focus on writing for the next two to three months.  I’ve been fortunate to have a lot of downtime for writing the last year and a half or so since I started this adventure, but always in the back of my mind was my day job.  And when I’m in Colorado it’s in the background ten hours a day, five days a week no matter what.

There’s a very real possibility that in two to three months when I realize I need money and try to go back to my day job that they’ll laugh hilariously, pat me on the head, and say something like, “Oh, aren’t you cute!  To think that we’d want to work with someone who clearly doesn’t prioritize us over everything else?”

(Hopefully I’ve built up enough credit through the years that that doesn’t happen, but there’s no way to know.)

And, yes.  I’m aware that most people work at their day jobs, balance their family obligations, save orphans, and bring about world peace all while breaking into writing, so I shouldn’t NEED to do what I’m doing.  But I want to.  I want to focus on this exclusively so I can tell myself that I put everything I could into making it happen.

(I’m probably putting WAY too much value on that personalized rejection, but I also feel that that story, the other one I have out at a top magazine, and the one I’m working on right now all have that special something.  And I want to catch that and develop it while I can.)

(Not that I’m not also writing about really weird ideas at the same time, of course…Now.  If I can manage to merge those two…ding, ding, ding, ding, ding!)

So, wish me luck!

About M. H. Lee

M.H. Lee is a speculative fiction writer currently residing in Colorado whose stories are sometimes dark, sometimes funny, sometimes darkly funny, but hopefully always thought-provoking and entertaining.
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6 Responses to I AM an idiot

      • Keri Peardon says:

        Ah, the suck of friends and family. I’m lucky enough to live just far enough away to make casual visiting impossible, but I’ve heard from other writers who live close to their friends and family that it can be difficult because people expect you to come over whenever they call, help them out, volunteer for projects, run errands for them, etc. because “you’re not working.”

      • mhleewriter says:

        Yeah, my other main issue is that for some reason most of my family and friends want to have lunch when we get together, which chops the day in half. So if I’m not disciplined enough, meeting someone midday can cost me most of that day.

  1. Keri Peardon says:

    I’ve been out of work several months, but I’ve still found it a challenge to write full-time. I start finding all these other things I need to be doing–housework, exercise, self-improvement, spending time with my husband, job-hunting, marketing my books, blogging, and the black hole of the internet in general.

    I’m not really a schedule kind of person, but I’ve been making myself stick to one lately, just so I can guarantee a little time writing every day. Otherwise, I get distracted by everything else.

    • mhleewriter says:

      The last couple months were slow work-wise and I found the same thing – that I’d end up fiddling about with this or that and sometimes only write half an hour a day. I figured if I completely removed my safety net, then I’d have a big stick to beat myself up with to make me focus more on writing. It’s definitely going to be a challenge now that I’m near friends and family as well. But if I want to someday do this full-time, best that I learn the discipline now when no one’s watching and I can screw it up without consequences. (Well, other than not being able to eat or have a roof over my head…)

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